I will never forget that day. January 27, 2009. My sweet boy Christian was 4; yes FOUR years old. But first, let me back up a little.
Christian was terrible at keeping the stuff that should stay in the diaper or toilet, in the diaper or toilet. When he was 2 yrs old, he would wake up in the morning and silently rip his diaper open until the contents (including all that nasty jelly stuff) would be all over his crib. You know what I'm talking about. If you've ever let your child sit in a pool with a regular diaper, you've seen that jelly. It's gross and it sticks to everything! I know what you're thinking: "Get him out when he wakes up."
I never knew he was awake because he was so quiet. This happened so often that we had to put him in footy pajamas and use a safety pin to keep the zipper shut! Don't freak out people. The pin was on the inside.
Summer came and we made the transition to a big kid bed. He was doing much better. We even started potty training. Then, one warm summer day, I opened his door to the sweet aroma of poop. He had created a brown masterpiece! Christian carefully ensured his "finger paints" were smeared over every toy, rug, and wall. Leonardo Da Vinci was put to shame that day. Many tears were shed that afternoon...by me.
I borrowed my dad's steam cleaner to tackle the brown stains on our white carpet. Believe it or not, it all came out. I scrubbed it out of the crevices of the bed. I washed down all the walls. I sanitized the toys. I washed all of the laundry. The process took all day. It was exhausting. Sure enough, Christian repeated this artwork the next day. We ripped the carpets out.
Let's move forward to January 27, 2009. Christian had made such progress. Yes, accidents occurred, but not like what I'm about to tell you. This story will be passed on from generation to generation. This story has become a legend. It's a legend to the likes of the infamous leg lamp in the movie A Christmas Story.
Christian went down for his afternoon nap. I heard him wake up about an hour and a half later. I opened the door to release him and he quickly came running out. Suddenly, that familiar smell drifted up my nose. "NO!" I thought! It couldn't be. No way! I didn't see anything anywhere!? Where was this smell coming from?
As I approached the side of the bed I saw my Apple Cinnamon Yankee Candle on the floor. I looked closer and to my horror I saw it....POOP IN A CANDLE!
Looking closer I began to laugh. Crazy? Yes! But there sat the most perfectly swirled piece of poop placed inside my candle. Not one bit was on the edges or on the floor. It was like it came out of a soft serve ice cream machine!
There I was; kneeling on the floor and laughing as I pictured Christian's plump bottom, squatting over and pooping into my Yankee Candle. The sweet aroma of apple cinnamon would no longer fill the house. I thought about calling Yankee Candle to suggest the new fragrance I discovered.
I carefully picked up the candle and gently placed it outside the front door. I wanted to make sure my husband had the pleasure of seeing this new masterpiece when he got home from work.
Of course I took some pictures. This was a sight that I could not make up or exaggerate even if I tried! The pictures might serve me well during the teenage years too.
Christian was terrible at keeping the stuff that should stay in the diaper or toilet, in the diaper or toilet. When he was 2 yrs old, he would wake up in the morning and silently rip his diaper open until the contents (including all that nasty jelly stuff) would be all over his crib. You know what I'm talking about. If you've ever let your child sit in a pool with a regular diaper, you've seen that jelly. It's gross and it sticks to everything! I know what you're thinking: "Get him out when he wakes up."
I never knew he was awake because he was so quiet. This happened so often that we had to put him in footy pajamas and use a safety pin to keep the zipper shut! Don't freak out people. The pin was on the inside.
Summer came and we made the transition to a big kid bed. He was doing much better. We even started potty training. Then, one warm summer day, I opened his door to the sweet aroma of poop. He had created a brown masterpiece! Christian carefully ensured his "finger paints" were smeared over every toy, rug, and wall. Leonardo Da Vinci was put to shame that day. Many tears were shed that afternoon...by me.
I borrowed my dad's steam cleaner to tackle the brown stains on our white carpet. Believe it or not, it all came out. I scrubbed it out of the crevices of the bed. I washed down all the walls. I sanitized the toys. I washed all of the laundry. The process took all day. It was exhausting. Sure enough, Christian repeated this artwork the next day. We ripped the carpets out.
Let's move forward to January 27, 2009. Christian had made such progress. Yes, accidents occurred, but not like what I'm about to tell you. This story will be passed on from generation to generation. This story has become a legend. It's a legend to the likes of the infamous leg lamp in the movie A Christmas Story.
Christian went down for his afternoon nap. I heard him wake up about an hour and a half later. I opened the door to release him and he quickly came running out. Suddenly, that familiar smell drifted up my nose. "NO!" I thought! It couldn't be. No way! I didn't see anything anywhere!? Where was this smell coming from?
As I approached the side of the bed I saw my Apple Cinnamon Yankee Candle on the floor. I looked closer and to my horror I saw it....POOP IN A CANDLE!
Looking closer I began to laugh. Crazy? Yes! But there sat the most perfectly swirled piece of poop placed inside my candle. Not one bit was on the edges or on the floor. It was like it came out of a soft serve ice cream machine!
There I was; kneeling on the floor and laughing as I pictured Christian's plump bottom, squatting over and pooping into my Yankee Candle. The sweet aroma of apple cinnamon would no longer fill the house. I thought about calling Yankee Candle to suggest the new fragrance I discovered.
I carefully picked up the candle and gently placed it outside the front door. I wanted to make sure my husband had the pleasure of seeing this new masterpiece when he got home from work.
Of course I took some pictures. This was a sight that I could not make up or exaggerate even if I tried! The pictures might serve me well during the teenage years too.
That was when the book title (or for now, blog title) Poop in a Candle, came to me. It is my hope that you can relate to this blog. The real, naked truth of what being a wife and mother is all about. The stuff we don't always want to talk about; a place to find that you are not alone. Let's lay it all on the table and laugh together!
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| Christian. The boy who inspired this blog! |
Amy....I LOVE your stories! I was hysterically laughing at the story! Being a wife and mom isn't easy! I love how honest this is! Cassandra ;)
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog through 5QF. So funny. I am laughing hysterically...only because I can so see all of this happening to me. We have already had fun stories like finding brushes and hands in the toilet...daily. And my kids are only 2 and 11 months - 15 months apart.
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely be keeping up with your fun stories.
What is it with the poop fingerpaint stage? To this day I can remember my younger siblings fingerpainting their cribs and the wallpaper in their rooms at naptime (that was back in the days of cloth diapers and rubber pants). Thanks for keeping it real. I loved this story...so genuine!
ReplyDeleteI am so lucky!! When we were potty training my daughter, she once took over her clothes and squatted in the front yard....I didn't get there fast enough. We only had about 2 families visiting. But thankfully, never had an actual "poop artist." There oughta be a special award, or reward for you.
ReplyDelete