Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Poll Results Are In! All You Want for Christmas Is...

A CLEAN HOUSE!  The whopping majority of you, which is not many (you are still lame but getting better) have voted for a clean house!  Wouldn't that be wonderful?  Imagine if your house looked like the ones that are staged for new home buyers.  Sigh.  There would be no clutter, dust, crumbs, dirty windows, messy rooms, crayon filled walls, or laundry on the floor.  There would be no funky smells from a lost sippy cup, poopy diaper, or food item that your child has taken out of the kitchen and left somewhere other than the garbage.  We can dream, can't we?

The next highest vote getter was a day at the spa.  I just smiled as I typed this.  I have been to the spa twice.  The first time was with my girlfriend when our firstborns went to Kindergarten.  We needed a massage that day.  We enjoyed one hour of pure bliss.  We laughed when the massage lady asked if we wanted our glutes rubbed down.  I paused for a second and my friend assertively said, "Yes!"  Ok then, rub away on my tush!  The second time was a full out day at the spa with friends.  It was pure heaven. 

Spa services can be pricey, especially if you spend the day there.  I think moms need to treat themselves more often.  We seem to always feel guilty about spending money on ourselves.  Let's decide to do it more often.  I'm sorry husbands.  But hey, when mom's happy, everyone is happy.  Am I right?  I'm not talking a full spa day, just a manicure or pedicure more often.  Good idea.

Next runner up was uninterrupted bedroom time.  It's amazing how much your sex life changes after kids; particularly as they get older.  You need to become much more creative to keep the spice in your marriage.  That's fun though.  You can no longer strut around the house naked or in some lingerie.  You can't even walk around without a bra or in short shorts.  Everything must be done behind a closed, LOCKED, door, or when everyone is asleep. 

Man it is important to lock your door.  Yikes.  We recently had a surprise intrusion and it freaked me out so much I swore I would never have sex again.  Of course I did.  We are just more careful.  Besides, he still isn't old enough to know what we were really doing.  But, gross.  I don't want that to happen again.  So, even if your door is closed and locked, you must also be quiet.  Boring.  Most people say they are too tired at night to have sex.  I say, once you do it, you never regret it.  You just need to do it.  Now what about the morning?  You can even get a quickie in before the kids wake up.  Having kids changes many things, including your sex life.  It takes much more work, but it is so important.  I'm wishing all of you more uniterrupted bedroom time in 2011.

We'll go from sex to the bathroom (hmm, sex in the bathroom?).  This one got my vote, uninterrupted bathroom time.  Every time I go in the bathroom someone else needs to use it.  We only have one bathroom.  God forbid I need to pee.  God forbid I need to poop, which takes more time. I always forget to lock the door so someone always walks in.  Then they run out and forget to shut the door because I've screamed at them.  So now the baby can toddle in. She begins patting me and tearing apart the cupboards while I am on the toilet.  Great.  Whether I am in the shower, doing my hair, applying my makeup, or just counting to 10 so I don't lose it, one of them comes in or bangs on the door.  I want my own bathroom or at least uniterrupted bathroom time.

Finally, a couple of you just want adult conversation.  I remember the phase of life when you have a brand new baby, I'm guessing you're the ones who voted for this.  That seems to be the time you become a recluse.  You're afraid to leave the house with your baby because of the weather or uninvited touching.  If it's your first baby you won't leave your home for months.  The more kids you have the shorter that time period is.  When I had Elia, my fourth, I was at a halloween party 9 days after she was born.  Mommy needed out!  Mom needed to talk to an adult. 

So, you long for some adult conversation.  Friends call and you keep them on the phone for an hour rambling on and on about every boring part of your day.  You talk so fast your poor friend doesn't understand half of what you said.  I feel sorry for the mailman if he has to deliver a package to your door.  He is going to get an earful of your sob story that he wasn't prepared to hear.  We've all been there.  Whoever you are that needs some conversation, call me.  I'll let you ramble.  Be forewarned though I may put you on speaker phone and only reply with an occasional "uh, huh."  You won't care though.

Alas, nobody wanted their two front teeth.  I'm glad to know all of you still have yours.  Although, I was hoping for one funny story about it.

Now go vote in the new poll and tell me your New Year's Resolution for 2011.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!  I'd love to hear what your favorite gift was?  Simply post your comments below.


  1. Love it Amy! You say it like it is...totally real & honest. So many times when I read these I think you are a mommy mind reader. My favorite Christmas gift was what my sister made for Christmas dinner....amazing chicken parm w/ all the fixings you could imagine...followed by a knock your socks off cheese cake. We rolled home from her house thankful for that gift!

  2. Hilarious! And I wish I would have voted - it would be for bathroom time! MISS THAT. My son is in the process of potty training and has to have a full conversation with me about what I'm doing ... and of course wants to know why my parts don't match his ... Have a great New Year!!

    Oh my fave Christmas gift was wine - I needed it!

  3. @Erin - Yummy.
    @Ashley - Lol. Happy New Year to your family!


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